Fight, Flight, Freeze or Fib

What if your child’s lying is not evidence of a character flaw or disrespect? What if his fibs are actually a self-preservation strategy rooted in poor inhibition, emotional regulation, working memory, and attention — all hallmarks of ADHD? This is the premise behind a new theory that is giving caregivers and educators a new, neurological lens through which to view lies.

As the human brain has evolved, it has developed a self-protective mechanism designed to ensure survival in times of extreme danger or stress. Faced with a threat, the brain must react in a split second; deciding how to best protect itself is an instantaneous reaction. This is widely referred to as the “Fight or Flight” response.

More recently, the field of psychology has added “freeze” as a significant and common behavioral response. In the event of a harmful attack, this may mean playing dead while literally petrified with fear.

Today, psychologists are beginning to observe and document a fourth “F” that manifests in times of real or perceived danger for children, adolescents, and even adults with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD): “fib.”

The limbic region of the brain processes an immense variety of information from myriad sources. It senses the presence of danger, assesses threats, and activates defense. These Limbic structures are ready to respond to threat. By activating the sympathetic nervous system, which is in contact with the brainstem or cerebellum, a person is “chemically fueled” by the provision of adrenaline being released into the body. This adrenaline, in turn, triggers the decision to Fight (attack and defend) or Flight (to flee) or Freeze (play dead). Meanwhile, the body is flooded with the stress hormone, cortisol.

As neuroscience research itself continues to evolve, it appears to support these observed behaviors related to stress. However, neuroscience also encourages us to study the development of the neocortex (the outermost layer of the brain), which is an additional avenue for processing thoughts and a new line of self-defense achieved through language. With complex and advanced language (not available to our primitive ancestors), we have the ability to verbalize both factual and/or fictitious reasoning instantaneously at point of performance, most notably in times of stress and threat.

As you know, ADHD is a condition of impaired or challenged executive function. Having coached many individuals (some with a diagnosis of ADHD, but all with a challenge of executive function), we have observed this Fib mechanism as a powerful response.

The Fib mechanism protects its maker in a number of ways:

1. Protection (temporary) from the feeling of having disappointed someone, such as a parent, teacher, coach, or mentor. Fibbing often follows poor academic outcomes, incomplete assignments or projects, and missed appointments or classes.
2. Deflection (temporary) of parental/ significant other anger and the anticipated consequence.
3. Extension: This may be caused by a desire to “buy some time” in the momentary absence of information, or information that is not acceptable to the person that is perceived as a threat. This provides the maker with an extension of available processing or thinking time. The consequence of the fib is not planned for.
4. Self-preservation: Preserving self-esteem and self-efficacy; perceived reduced self- esteem of a “failure” due to an ADHD-related behavior that ended in a negative consequence, leading to shame and embarrassment.

The above has be excerpted from Fight, Flight, Freeze...or Fib? Continue reading the full article on ADDitudemag.com.

Barbara Hunter is the guest-presenter for Springer's Rethinking Screen Time, program for parents, on April 9, 2025